Some thoughts so far on love
Updated: Sep 3, 2020
I used to believe in conditional love - the idea that, I’ll continue to love, support and accept you so long as you continue to meet my needs reliably. That was the old paradigm. That’s how a lot of people in my experience ‘function’ in relationships - of many kinds. It was all about ‘me’ and what I needed out of another person rather than appreciating them as a separate soul on a journey through life with whom I have the privilege, rather than the right, to contribute to, and share experiences with, meaningfully.
I used to feel pain, jealousy, frustration and fear when other people didn’t behave according to my unspoken set of rules about how I believed they should be and would subsequently put up walls, create distance and withdraw my love and support for them. That wasn’t love. It was control. It was the application of inherited/adopted strategies my egoic mind used to maintain a sense of significance and legitimacy - to seek out safety and certainty.
It wasn’t until I started to realise that I was already complete that I started to let the old ways go and started giving from a place of abundance rather than deficit, regardless of reciprocity. Love is one of the few things in this world that multiplies the more you give it away. I realised that I could never actually run out of it once it was coming from a balanced place. The shift was only slight, but it has made a huge difference to how I treat people and how I feel in my day to day interactions.
I wouldn’t say I’m perfect and I definitely slip back into old habits of self-protection from time to time, but it’s what I continually steer my ship towards these days.
I’m not saying I accept absolutely everything and just allow people to behave however they want around me in ways the impact me negatively. It’s more about calling myself out and being brutally honest with myself and my responses - asking myself if I’m coming from a place of love and abundance or fear and control, if I’m creating space for people to grow or if I’m trying to manipulate them so I feel safe.
It’s a really tough practice but a rewarding one. Still working it out but thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts so far.